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Cover Snark: The Gray Sweatpants Effect

Hey hey! Welcome back to Cover Snark!

Extra Whip by Jamie K. Schmidt. A shirtless man with an open blazer stands behind a yummy iced coffee drink with a lot of whipped topping.

From Mischa: I love you AND I have possible cover snark submission.

Sarah: Aw, c’mon. Move the tall frothy drink an inch to the right. You know you wanted to.

Elyse: Loving the suit jacket no shirt look.

Carrie: No shirt no shoes no service, dude.

Amanda: The jacket also looks velour, which is a STATEMENT.

Seduced by a Prince by Tanya Anne Crosby. A decent historical romance cover, where a woman in a blue silky dress is embraced by a fully clothed man. However, his tight, gray breeches are leaving nothing to the imagination.

From Carole!

Sarah: Was this hero inspired by this famous picture of Freddie Mercury and David Bowie?

A photo of Freddie Mercury and David Bowie standing and talking, but their pants are very tight.

Elyse: I want hidden boners on all my historical covers now. Like the picture search in Highlights magazine.

Amanda: There are 7 boners in this cover. Can you spot them all?

Sarah: I just imagine the artist carefully shading the dude’s crotch.

“Is that big enough? Nah, let’s add a biiiiit more shadow.”

Amanda: We want it to really POP!

Claudia: Me: Oh this is fine, I don’t see anyth… Whoa!

Maya: I used to do ballet and there was this guy who used a padded dancer’s belt. My friend’s mom would call him rhino nuts. We were like 10.

Carrie: Claudia SAME! “But I LIKE this cover,” I thought to myself and then I saw what I can never unsee.

Sneezy: Huh. You know, I never gave boners in pants much thought.

Amanda: It’s very reminiscent to the “gray sweatpant” so I get why there’d be a bulge.

N.F.W. No Fucking Way by Jeanie Johnson and Jayha Leigh. There are two floating heads facing away from each other. The main has wavy blond hair, a beard and mustache. The other head belongs to a woman, who is leaning back against the man. Her dark curly hair is getting all up in his face.

Sarah: Ma’am, I’m so sorry, but you have some White dudebro in your hair? Do you need a hand with that?

Carrie: Murder Hair! (N.F.W)

Shana: I’m not sure who has it worse, the woman who was just minding her business, when a Viking grew out of her head…or the dude whose neck must be extremely ticklish right now.

Wait, it’s definitely her.

Carrie: No one wants a White Boy Head Tumor.

Shana: As a person who is very ticklish, this cover makes me break out in hives.

Royally Tricked by Misha Bell. A floppy haired man with his sleeves rolled up. However, the main offender is the font. The cursive script for tricked makes the word look like something else.

From Gloriamarie: I suggest it because of the way I completely misread the title and was rather shocked…

Carrie: If Murder Hair met Floofy Hair (Royally Fricked) then the two heads of hair would achieve sentience, mate, and unleash an army of murderous hairballs.

Clogging pipes across the land

Wreaking havoc


Kiki: Royally Tickled

Amanda: Okay there’s Fricked and Tickled and my brain went straight to Fucked.


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